Office Equipment

As a hard working student, to say nothing of a previously clossetted but now becoming a bit more 'out' football fan, maybe I could have one of these for my room...






And for the all important admin days (which are generally on a Friday afternoon coz I've not got round to it all week) maybe this piece of novelty office equipment would be appropriate as well...





I wonder if these should come out of the student loan or if I can put them on my expenses sheet?

Kelly Holmes and Self Harm

http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport2/hi/athletics/4590655.stm

So, a public figure and role model has revealed her struggle (however short term) with self harm. I'm sure there are people who will be struggling, angry, disgusted, feeling that this legitimises the behaviour, makes it an 'ok coping mechanism coz she did it' but I disagree!

"It's essential that self-harm is de-stigmatised. A good start would be to acknowledge the extent to which self-mutilation is part of contemporary culture." http://www.bbc.co.uk/health/conditions/mental_health

I think that Holmes has made a great contribution to the de-stigmatising self harm. So many people struggle with it, yet most people's attitude is, 'It doesn't happen to people around here', 'It doesn't happen to people like us', and society is unprepared to think about the issues and be challenged about how to respond to friends or family who are struggling with self harm. The fact is that self harm is a coping mechanism turned to by people in all sectors of society and we have to be aware of that and own it as a society and community so that people feel accepted, loved, understood and not judged when they seek help.

Yeah, some people will find it offensive. Some people find it offensive that I don't go out of my way to cover up the scars from my period of regular self harm. But what about the crucifixion of Jesus? That was a taboo thing. It was messy, it was offensive, it was outside of what people 'expected' from the Son of God, and yet we were forced to acknowledge it and embrace it as part of our faith. Something that was offensive and stigmatised was made very public, and left open a way of restoration for human society. My hope is that more people who have a history of self harm will be frank and honest about it. My hope is that this will lead to an issue that is met with confusion, disgust and taboo being de-stigmatised and owned by society. This will leave the way open for those who seek help to be treated as individuals, not labelled with 'metal health disorder' and hidden in a corner, for them to be treated with non-judgemental respect, which will ultimately lead to restoration.

You

You

I have always known you,

Forever,

In my world so Black and White,

Controlled by science and the quest for knowledge.

Yet did that quest for knowledge,

That scientific dream,

Control you?

They boxed you in,

or did they box you out?

I hear a whisper on the street,

Discomforting,

That somewhere is a shade of grey,

The knowledge becomes elusive,

Science chases after wind,

And You... slip from sight of knowledge and science.

The box is empty,

The empty box is crumbling.

And so I push down the doubt,

Fruitlessly.

The questions rise within me,

Insatiable as my vain intellect seeks to grasp you.

Where have you gone?

Have you changed?

Or simply left me alone?

Were you ever there?

Exhausted from my minds turmoil,

Despondent,

Unable to hold left or right,

I weep night and day for I have lost you.

Did I really ever have you?

Were you simply an imagining?

The comfort blanket

Of a lonely child?

Dawn approaches slowly,

Coldly.

I sit and wait for nothing,

Yet my heart cries out to you.

I need you!
Your youness,

To complete my frail humanity.
I am empty without you,

Knowing nothing else to know.

I continue waiting,

Foolishly.

But what is now arising?

Is it the sun?

Or is it you?

Now in glorious technicolour,

Your bigness burns away the box,

Leaving me vulnerable to you.

I lift my gaze up to your feet.

I open my eyes to You,

Painfully,

Expecting answers to the questions.

You hold me in your gaze,

I try to assess you,

Analyze you,

Yet the more I look the less I see.

Exhausted I fall down,

And close my eyes to know and be.

Copyright Nikki King 2004

Lessons From the Rock Face

Well, lessons from the climbing wall really but rockface sounded better!

I've been climbing today at www.bristolclimbingcentre.com It's a fab centre, and great use of a church. Might suggest a refurbishment and redecoration of our place to the vicar!

Got me thinking though, as I started climbing tougher routes, there were times when where I expected to be a foot/hand hold there just wasn't everything to grab. Kinda feels similar with where I'm at in faith just now. Whereas before there'd have been something easy to hang stuff on, for example like the 'God's in Control' thing, or 'The Bible is literal and answers every question' I'm suddenly finding myself unwilling to accept those easy answers, which leaves me scrabbling for a hold on it all sometimes.

I really like the stuff in New Kind of Christian about when you're scared of falling away from God you may actually fall into Him instead. Psalm 139 is fab for me. Where ever I go, (in my thinking) if it's to the ends of the earth (however wacky it gets?) God is there and His hand is with me, and I will not fall away from Him.

What things are there for others that were pegs to hang stuff on but now just don't work anymore?

Oh God, help me to believe in that, please.
Help me to take confidence that I won't wander or fall away from you.
Cause that confidence to push me to bigger steps where I may fear falling.

We Won!

The Helpless God

A group I'm in are currently talking about this artice. http://www.commonwonders.com/archives/col294.htm

It kind of links in to the wounded healer stuff from a couple of posts ago, about God making himself very week when he came to earth to live amongst us.

The writer of the article ends with a reflection on holding his baby nephew.

But still, this is what I thought, that there was a quality to Joey’s helplessness that seemed more godlike than anything else I had ever encountered. What if, I thought, the nature of God were openness and helplessness? What if destructive power were a human quality, not God’s? This changed everything, from the creation myths (man expelled God from the Garden of Eden) to the day’s news and our relationship with our planet.

This answers the problem of 'if God is so good why is there so much bad in the world'. God was so good that not only did he give us free will but he totally empowered us as humans (ie let us take all the power) to live exactly as we wanted and make our own choices. A God who is empowering rather than oppressive. It is that quality of God that I engage my choice and free will and chose to follow Him. Not because I 'need' Him, but because I want to.

Still thoughts in process- what does anyone think?

'Sarcasm' brain areas discovered

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/4566319.stm has a story about scientists discovering the part of the brain which processes sarcasm.

I had been brought up to believe that sarcasm was a cultural thing, and also that Americans 'didn't get it'. My experience of Americans is that they are just as wonderfully sarcastic as anyone else I know.

So, if it's not a cultural thing, then why is it more predominant in some parts of the country than others? I thought I used it plenty before having to be told 'Don't worry about him, it's just his scouse humour' while I was 'up North'.

I guess it's a bit of both- but my question is, by discovering that people with brain damage don't interpret sarcasm, are we suggesting that you need to be more intelligent in order to use or understand sarcasm? Or is it a cultural/learning style thing?

Oh well. In the name of equal opportunities, I do hereby solemnly swear that I will never be sarcastic again!

---

Nikki Adds:

Yeah- thanks C- I know what you mean. I guess we often judge someone's 'intelligence' on their ability to communicate the intelligence. As someone with dyslexia I should realise that way more than some.

I guess I was trying to get at the whole 'sarcasm is the lowest form of witt' cliche, and figure what it is about it that some people don't understand. I know I've been criticised by friends for using it too liberally and then get myself in a hole when it's taken literally by someone who is very 'intelligent' and a great communicator but doesn't 'get it'.

Hmmm.

N

I bring myself

My singing heart, my days' doxology, my gold,
I bring for celebration.

My stillness, my glimpses of serenity, my frankincense,
I bring for meditation.

My brokenness, my tears of rage and sorrow, my myrrh,
I bring for sacrifice.

Kate Compston 1990.
In Bread of Tomorrow

I love that in all times and all places, we can bring something of ourselves to God, wherever we are at in ourselves, and it will be valued by him as our worship.

Sunloving students guide to writing an essay

1.30 pm- Sunbathe in college garden with friend during lunch break.

2.00 pm- Buy Fruit Smoothy on the way home from college

2.10 pm- Collect all things needed for studying together and put it in the garden- cushion, books, drink, chewing gum, laptop, extension lead, pen, paper, highlighter.

2.50 pm- Sit down and turn on laptop, enjoying the sun, and feeling pleased that an uninterupted 3 hour session is available without even having to get up to get a drink!

3.00 pm- Convince self that it's not raining- it can't be when it's warm and sunny at the same time surely?

3.01 pm- Rapidly move everything inside- starting with anything electrical and ending by picking the washing in.

3.10 pm- Chat to house mate who's just come in and wonders why there's a giant blue cushion in the kitchen.

3.12 pm- Explain to housemate that your meeting today was with the 'external examiner' not with 'the exterminator' as she puts it.

3.20 pm- lug everything needed for studying upstairs and put on desk.

3.40 pm- Oh well.. might as well check people's blogs and emails now.....

It Is Finished

The state of the bin which represents the completion of an assignment.

The Wounded Healer

I've been doing some reading around this for a piece of work for Uni. I love that it is in our brokenness and woundedness that we are able to reach out to others. It enables us not to be the oppressive rescuer, but the empowering accompanyer.

The other gods were strong but
thou was weak;
They rode, but thou didst stagger
to a throne.
But to our wounds only God's
wounds can speak,
And not a God has wounds but
Thou alone.

Quoted by Alistair Campbell in 'Rediscovering Pastoral Care'.

Pressure

All the best blogs that I read have something original, something important, or something funny to say. I hope that I don't find myself sitting here with nothing to say, kind of like you do on that first date when you really don't get on, or when you visit hospital and the very environment and the pressure to find something to say somehow seem to wipe you mind blank.

Why do I want a blog?

Ok, I've finally taken that step of pressing the 'get me a blog' button on a mate's blog site. Charity commission coming your way I'm sure(!), Caroline thanks for the encouragement. I've been thinking about it for some time. Here's why:

I don't want this blog to be all about me. I want it to be a space of interacting with people and developing an integrated theology and faith based on an enjoyment of being human and being individual.

I am a follower of Jesus- and hopefuly a thoughtful one, trying to make sense of my faith in the twentyfirst centurary. If anyone's playing blog bingo please note I haven't said post-modern, paradigm, post christian, post evangelical, emergent church, or mentioned any books by Brian McClaren-although all of those concepts, thoughts and words and people have done a lot of forming of my faith.

I am a youth and community worker, again trying to attain that status of 'reflective practitioner'.

My life experience, some good and some bad has a huge effect on who I am and what I do.

Not that I'll be taking things too seriously, my flippant sense of humour, sceptical sarcasm, and satirical comments will be definately coming out to play as well.

To have a thought through and integrated faith I think it is essential that everything is explored in the light of one another, which is why my chosed degree course is Youth and Community Work with Applied Theology. I'm also an extrovert and learn best through conversation.

I'd like to invite anyone to come and join in the conversation at any point, say what you're thinking, challenge me, challenge each other, be gentle with everyone and help our theology and ideas of what it's all about tie up together.